Parents who share children don’t just divide parenting time. They also have to effectively share parenting authority. Typically, divorced or separated parents have to agree with one another on key decisions about their children while they are minors.
Occasionally, custody orders extend enhanced decision-making authority to one parent. However, most parents who share custody have to agree on critical decisions about their children. They have to communicate in advance before transferring the children to another school, for example.
Some decisions could lead to conflict between the parents. Extracurricular activities are often important for a child’s sense of self and healthy development. However, they can become a source of conflict between parents. The three issues below are among the most likely to trigger co-parenting conflict.
1. What activities are appropriate
Some children want to join a hockey team, while others might want to participate in a school-sponsored debate club. Parents concerned about their children’s safety may have strong feelings about contact sports in particular.
Parents may need to have certain rules in place regarding what types of extracurricular activities their children can pursue. In some cases, parents may want to establish standards for when participation is appropriate, such as requiring certain grades from children before they can take on extracurricular activities.
2. How to pay
Certain schools may charge fees for equipment and facility access when the students engage in sports. Those who participate in intramural leagues rather than school-based athletics may face even steeper costs. Parents may need to work out an arrangement for covering the expenses associated with participation in sports and other extracurricular activities.
3. Who can attend special events
In high-conflict cases, parents may need to have a schedule in place to prevent both parents from showing up at a child’s swim meets or similar events. Otherwise, conflict between the parents could drastically alter a child’s experience of their preferred extracurricular activities.
Preventing parents from bringing new romantic partners or antagonistic members of their extended family could also be a valuable rule to establish before the children begin participating in extracurricular activities.
Clarifying rules and expectations when children participate in extracurricular activities can help parents limit conflict as they share custody. Parents who integrate appropriate rules into their parenting plans can prevent issues from complicating their co-parenting relationship unnecessarily.